It's very rare, but when I find it, I will reblog Star Wars porn. But for the most part, this blog is safe for work, though certainly not safe for humanity. I sometimes talk about masturbating to people with cancer.
Used my phone not even 10 minutes ago and I can’t find it.
This isn’t cute. This isn’t fun. This makes me feel fucking worthless when this happens. And it happens very frequently. I can’t keep track of anything. I can’t keep my thoughts straight. This is my life, and its fucking exhausting.
I hate when there’s some gross body thing and people are like “Its perfectly normal!” Yes. Yes it is normal. You are absolutely correct. But so is shitting, puking, masturbating, pissing, and having snot come out of your nose. But that doesn’t mean I want to sit next to people doing those things on the bus. Or see pictures of it. Except masturbating.
Happy Mother’s Day to the lady who once laughed so hard at my dad falling down the steps that she peed her pants.
Book I’m about to start right now is NOS4A2 by Joe Hill. Again, a book I know nothing about (except it presumably involves some sort of vampire) but purchased because I like Joe Hill on Tumblr and imagine that I will also enjoy this book.
PS I take the dust jackets off my hardcover books when I read them or lend them out so they don’t get ruined. That “read book” shit looks real cool until pages start falling out of the mother fucker and you have to buy a new copy of a book that ends up being out of print.
Getting real tired of people on XBox Live telling my girlfriend to get back in the kitchen.
Idiots, our XBox is IN THE KITCHEN! How the else would she be able to play?
That’s the most unoriginal, unfunny joke I’ve ever heard.
This is among the reasons why I hate offensive humor. No one even tries to be funny. They just expect to say something offensive and get a laugh.
Please enjoy this picture of my balls as a response.
(via commanderabutt)
We all know that “all artists steal.” However, did you know that reciting this to a Target employee or police officer will NOT get you out of a shoplifting charge?
I wanted to buy a book today so I picked up Sacre Bleu by Christopher Moore. I know nothing about it. Haven’t even read the back of it. But fuck it, its Christopher Moore so you know its good!
PS do I look fucking amazing today, or what? I have been killing it lately in the handsome department.
Me and Jake are reading Making Money by Terry Pratchett and loving it!
Apparently “throwback Thursday” is a thing so here’s a picture of me when I was 5, my guitar collection from 17, and a picture of me shirtless at 16.
