Mellon Collie and the Infinite Arrogance

I’ve been getting a lot of people lately telling me that they’re either getting turned on by confidence or turned off by my arrogance.

The idea of my confidence and arrogance comes from my beliefs that I am handsome, a fantastic guitar player, and awesome in bed. People hear me talk about those things and they get moist with confidence or enter the desert of arrogance.

I don’t understand the problem, though. I am handsome! And good in bed! And I play the guitar like a mother fucking riot! I back my shit up. That’s not confidence or arrogance. That’s just facts.

No one ever points out that while these traits are entertaining, they are ultimately shallow. I’m apparently arrogant/confident because I think I’m a great person to spend one night with! Isn’t that weird?

So here’s some stuff I’m not so great at. I could let these things eat away at me, and I do on the bad days, but why focus on them? I would rather rock the shit I’m good at. But so you people can get a glimpse into the real me, since you all seem to be incapable of reading between the lines, here’s some shit I don’t feel good about.

Intelligence: math and science make no sense to me. I’m really bad at picking up on things. I failed out of college. These things make me feel incredibly stupid. I know I’m not dumber than a bag of hammers or anything, but it still sucks some days.

Memory: I can’t remember shit. I don’t know your name, most likely. And birthdays? Nope. Not happening.

Social skills: good god I have no idea how to talk to people. What’s acceptable? What’s not acceptable? How do people traverse these waters successfully? Put me in a group, and I’m fucking useless. I’ll probably end up offending someone. I always do.

Geography: this may seem silly but I’m SUPER bad at it! You know how something amount of Americans can’t find Iraq on a map? I couldn’t find Delaware. I used to think I knew what the shape of Delaware was. That was actually the shape of Philadelphia. Sigh.

Sex addiction: I can’t have a healthy, productive relationship with a person I’m not fucking. It’s a problem.

So that’s a few of things about me I’m not happy with. I’m not super confident or super arrogant. I’m just super positive!

I wonder how many people will talk about the Doctor’s face is older because he didn’t want to flirt with the companions anymore. It’s like… I dunno… all that stuff with Matt Smith was like, part of a bigger character arc or something? Like his journey as 10 took such a dark turn that he wanted to brighten it up with the goofy personality he had as 11, and is now ready to get serious. Like a “development” of his character or something.

I dunno. I’m pretty sure Moffet is just WAY sexist.

I bought a Les Paul Jr yesterday and a MIDI controller today so I used them to make this! I like it!

#me

I feel like you kids haven’t gotten a half-naked selfie in a while! Enjoy!

Read More

This is the absolute best rejection I’ve ever had and I’m so happy about it.

This is the absolute best rejection I’ve ever had and I’m so happy about it.

Slaves Are Better Off!

I read the synopsis of one of those right-wing crap rags that claimed the descendants of slaves are better off than they would be in their own countries.

These people were kidnapped. They were tortured. They were sold into slavery. They were RAPED. They were BRED like fucking ANIMALS to be strong, so that they would be good at manual labor.

And you’re going to tell me that those people are better off?

Go.

Fuck.

Yourself.

I live with a horrible skin condition

I live with a horrible skin condition

Logging Onto OkCupid

"Hey, she’s cute! Let’s check her out."

"I’m a lady looking for a nice gentleman…."

"….Nope."